Found in Beauty.

At 5’6” 133 lbs I’ve always been, for the most part, happy with my appearance… north of my neck. If you were to ask me everything else is a COMPLETE and UTTER disaster. Call me crazy, but I have a feeling I’m not alone on this one. Women obsess over their bodies; it’s like a full-time job. No wait, I take it back–I spend way more time thinking about my body than I ever did work. I’m talkin’ a serious, interfere-with-your-daily-life, full-blown obsession. I have routine conversations with my sister (she’s a size 4) and they’re always the same. I’ll proclaim:  “my thighs are out of control” and she’ll then transition into a play-by-play of everything she ate that day. Now I’m not delusional, I understand size 6 (that’s what I wear) doesn’t exactly make me Shamu, but you all know as well as I do, it’s how YOU see yourself and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I will refer you to a passage out of The Devil Wears Prada. Little Andy thinks so accurately:

I soon came to realize that Hope-along with every other anorexically skinny girl in the office, and most of the guys-was able to accurately evaluate other people’s weight. It was just when it came time to look in the mirror that everyone genuinely saw a wildebeest staring back.

If you’re like me you would have answered “d.” “A” is just not even an option and I never had the will power to practice either of the others (although, of course, the smart answer is diet and exercise). So what did I do? I made my size-six ass an appointment with a plastic surgeon. Yup, that’s right. I wanted to get all my little insecurities sucked away in a little plastic tube. I could just imagine it [insert dream bubble and distant-look here]. I would no longer be grossed out upon self evaluation in my undies and I could FINALLY dress how a 23-year-old ought to dress at the pool (ya know, a bikini versus a giant moo moo). Ahh yes that would be the day. So how’d it go?  Well, I did a bunch of research online. I looked up the plastic surgeons in my area and browsed all their “before and after” lipo photos (man those are graphic!). I figured out that the procedure was an out-patient one, and it only took about a week of recovery to get your act back together. It did say you could return to work after three days.

Some red flags:

  1. It takes about 6 months for final results to settle in
  2. Severe bruising is inevitable
  3. Results are not guaranteed!

So when I made the appointment I was very serious about doing the procedure but granted I was still in the research stage. I scheduled with a doctor who offered free consultations (note: I knew there were better surgeons but they charge $100-$120 for initial consultations).Besides, I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to any doctor but I was curious as to what the damage would be for a traded-up version of myself (aka $$).

It was all very business-like and I apologize for the bland delivery but there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about this visit. First the doctor gave me a looong speech. I don’t even know what he said because he was so robotic. My eyes started to glaze over. You could tell this was his umpteenth time giving this speech because it was more like he was talking AT me rather than TO me L Disappointment #1.  I was then asked to put on some disposable underwear (I recognized them from the photos I had seen) and then the doctor took pictures of the areas I wanted to “improve” upon. Since the issue hadn’t been addressed I uh asked about the kinds of results I could expect to see post operation (ya know, the whole reason that brought me there in the first place!) after which I received some wishy-washy answer. Disappointment #2.  Finally I was told I could get dressed and I was ushered in to an adjacent room to discuss financials. Long story short, it was $2,000 MORE than I had anticipated! That makes for a grand total of $5,000 for inner and outer thighs, lower bum, and some hip action. Disappointment  #3. Three strikes you’re out.

Epilogue: I still want to get liposuction and plan to seek second and third opinions. I will not allow one doctor to ruin quest for the ultimate “skinny bitch” title.

Yes ladies, this is our lives. How to deal?

a) Get over it and live a healthy life

b) Deprive yourself

c) Diet and exercise

d) Get cosmetically altered

Leave a Reply

* Name, Email, and Comment are Required