I soon came to realize that Hope-along with every other anorexically skinny girl in the office, and most of the guys-was able to accurately evaluate other people’s weight. It was just when it came time to look in the mirror that everyone genuinely saw a wildebeest staring back.

If you’re like me you would have answered “d.” “A” is just not even an option and I never had the will power to practice either of the others (although, of course, the smart answer is diet and exercise). So what did I do? I made my size-six ass an appointment with a plastic surgeon. Yup, that’s right. I wanted to get all my little insecurities sucked away in a little plastic tube. I could just imagine it [insert dream bubble and distant-look here]. I would no longer be grossed out upon self evaluation in my undies and I could FINALLY dress how a 23-year-old ought to dress at the pool (ya know, a bikini versus a giant moo moo). Ahh yes that would be the day. So how’d it go?  Well, I did a bunch of research online. I looked up the plastic surgeons in my area and browsed all their “before and after” lipo photos (man those are graphic!). I figured out that the procedure was an out-patient one, and it only took about a week of recovery to get your act back together. It did say you could return to work after three days.

Some red flags:

1. It takes about 6 months for final results to settle in
2. Severe bruising is inevitable
3. Results are not guaranteed!

So when I made the appointment I was very serious about doing the procedure but granted I was still in the research stage. I scheduled with a doctor who offered free consultations (note: I knew there were better surgeons but they charge $100-$120 for initial consultations).Besides, I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to any doctor but I was curious as to what the damage would be for a traded-up version of myself (aka $$).

It was all very business-like and I apologize for the bland delivery but there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about this visit. First the doctor gave me a looong speech. I don’t even know what he said because he was so robotic. My eyes started to glaze over. You could tell this was his umpteenth time giving this speech because it was more like he was talking AT me rather than TO me L Disappointment #1.  I was then asked to put on some disposable underwear (I recognized them from the photos I had seen) and then the doctor took pictures of the areas I wanted to “improve” upon. Since the issue hadn’t been addressed I uh asked about the kinds of results I could expect to see post operation (ya know, the whole reason that brought me there in the first place!) after which I received some wishy-washy answer. Disappointment #2.  Finally I was told I could get dressed and I was ushered in to an adjacent room to discuss financials. Long story short, it was $2,000 MORE than I had anticipated! That makes for a grand total of $5,000 for inner and outer thighs, lower bum, and some hip action. Disappointment  #3. Three strikes you’re out.

Epilogue: I still want to get liposuction and plan to seek second and third opinions. I will not allow one doctor to ruin quest for the ultimate “skinny bitch” title.

Yes ladies, this is our lives. How to deal?

a) Get over it and live a healthy life

b) Deprive yourself

c) Diet and exercise

d) Get cosmetically altered

Cinderella stories of “getting discovered” may be what you imagine on your journey into the spotlight, but I wouldn’t count on Prince Charming showing up at your doorstep, modeling contract in tow anytime soon. Being proactive is the best way. For all you model wannabes, it’s time to finally turn your daytime dreams of designer apparel and beautiful people into reality. Here’s what you need to do to find out if you’ve got the goods.

1. Go online. Go online and research all the various modeling agencies in New York (and other major cities for that matter) and get educated. What kinds of models do they represent?  Which agencies are editorial, which are commercial, and which are both? Once you do this make a list of those you would like to pursue. Remember to pay attention to what the agency is also looking for. Some have height requirements and some have age limits. Make sure you meet all specifications before investing your time and energy into any one agency.
2. Take a snapshot. Have a friend or family member take your picture but nothing fussy. Modeling agencies are interested in a blank canvass. No makeup or very little would be the wise choice. Headshots and body shots should be taken as well as one showing your profile. Girls: enclose pics with your hair up AND down. Email photos, along with your height, weight, and other measurements to the appropriate email address of each agency. You should’ve found these during step 1.
3. Book a trip. If an agency is interested, they will get back to you after receiving your information, but why leave your fate in someone else’s hands? Book a trip to New York. Many agencies have open calls once a week. Check out models.com to find out which agencies offer these and when they are scheduled for. Show up on the appropriate day and time with the simple snapshots you’ve already taken. You should schedule your trip so that you can see as many agencies as possible. Diversify.
4. Schedule an appointment. If the agency you’re interested in doesn’t offer open calls, or if the time they are scheduled for isn’t convenient, call the agency and book and appointment. Depending on the business, you’ll want to meet with the owner/president and bookers. These are the people that will make the ultimate decision if they want to invite you into their organization.
5. Enjoy your newfound enlightenment. Whether congratulations are in order or not, at least now you know. If you feel your dreams have been crushed, don’t worry. Now you have time to focus on a new calling and hey, at least you got to visit New York! If your trip resulted in contractual obligations and “test shoots” woooohoooo! Just remember while you’re tearin’ up the catwalk that How To Look Like A Model helped you get there.

Modeling Do’s

• Do your research
• See as many agencies as possible
• Wear minimal makeup
• Bring heels wherever you go
• Wear form-fitted clothing

Modeling Don’ts

• Be passive
• Wear too much makeup
• Sport baggy clothing
• Bring professional photos previously taken
• Spend any money upfront

The age-old question: how to keep it clean “down there?” You may not like my answer, but getting a wax is the most efficient way. While bikini waxing may will never be an enjoyable experience, there’s a lot you can do to make the occurrence a lot less traumatizing than it would otherwise be, especially if you’re a newbie.  Make sure to visit our sister property Bikini Waxing.

Bikini Waxing 101

Get educated.
Your bikini waxer will get to know you in the same light as your gynecologist so pretty please don’t just trust the yellow pages to find one. Word of mouth is the best way. Knowing what to expect is half the battle.  The last thing you want is to be spread eagle thinking “What did I get myself in to?”

Know the basics.

There are four kinds of bikini waxes.
Regular- removes hair from outside the panty line. Attention newcomers: this is the one for you!
Full- a regular wax that goes inside the panty line and results in more definition
French- removes everything from the front minus a small strip
Brazilian- warning: for those with masochist tendencies only;  takes all hair off the bikini line (front AND back)

All wax is not created equal. There are two types.

• Hard- dries to a hard finish around the hair and not the skin; a less painful option but not offered at all salons. Be sure to double check with your salon before scheduling if you want to try this option.

• Soft- more common; adheres to the hair and skin thus tends to be a bit more unpleasant than hard waxes

Practical Tips to Remember

Speak up. If it’s your first time ask for the salon’s most skilled technician and request they explain what they’re doing throughout the process. Using an inexperienced waxer could result in unpleasant ingrown hairs (ouch!).
Prepare to be bare. Usually you’ll be asked to undress from the waist down.  If you’re not comfortable with this you can keep your undies on but there’s no avoiding it if you’re going for the Brazilian.
Dress appropriately. Loose, baggy clothes that allow your skin to breathe are best (for after your appointment).
Plan accordingly. Your pain threshold is highest after your period. You might want to be strategic and schedule your appointment about two or three days after Aunt Flo leaves town.

Before Your Appointment

• Let hair grow out two or three weeks (about a quarter of an inch). Failure to do so could result in being sent home or enduring a more painful experience if hair is too long or too short
• Exfoliate all areas that will be waxed about one day before your appointment
• Take an Aspirin!
• Avoid tanning salons for 24 hours before and after your appointment

Ok ladies, you’re almost ready to skidaddle off to the salon. Just plan on about 15-30 minutes for your appointment and expect to shell out a cool $40-$45 assuming you were good students and got a high-quality esthetician. If not, consider yourself forewarned! If you’re hoping to sport a microkini this summer or just want to please your man on a whole new level, bikini waxing will help you get there. Just remember: no pain, no gain. Digest all the information above and consider yourself off to a good start to hairless heaven.